Diet Fail!!

I have told myself that I am not focusing on diets this year- That is pure sabotage for me... But I need to change my diet some how,  and need to refocus.  I spoke to a nice customer tonight, and we got on the subject of diets somehow. He said don't diet, lifestyle change... He said everything you eat should have a benefit to your body and healthy foods that will improve your life, not hurt it. It can still taste good, try it!  It made so much sense but so hard to put into action. Even though I do love salads, chicken, healthy food, it all comes down to preparation and being convenient.. .  Anyway that is what is on my mind tonight... Can I put it into action tomorrow? I will do my best!

Clearing the clutter for a healthy life

So today is operation clutter! Yes Tuesday my first day off should have been but I have been busy outside my home..  My mom told me to only keep the things I love, so I am really trying hard to do this.. I have soo much clothes, stuff, you name it.. I love it all in a way, but know its what is holding me back in life. I know that sounds TOTALLY crazy but no matter what I do, be it mean to exercise, eat right I always tie it back to my clutter and what I have to do.. So today is operation clutter... I am starting with the kitchen and my bedroom- Will hit a room every day and repeat the cycle each week- Once I get rid of the clutter, everything else will fall into place- I know this deep in my heart.. So on with the cleaning ( And no that isn't my house but it could be ! )

Dreams

Ever have one of those dreams that goes on and on, you can wake up, go right back to sleep and continue? Well I just had one. In my dream I was moving back to Seattle. I rented some kind of truck that had my horses in it and all my stuff fit in it some how as well. My house was falling apart, gross the walls were falling down and I hit one of the walls too hard and water came out and sharks came swimming out of it. Small sharks that made noises.. I was totally screaming in my dream, grossed out by this. It was sort of a nightmare as well I guess...

Anyway I was going through all my stuff, my "clutter". In my dream I was so happy I was almost done but then forgot about my basement which was full of stuff, hoarding style. I was so exhausted I called my parents ( my dad was alive in this dream oddly enough ) and told them I might need help and money moving as I had so much stuff I didn't know where I was going to store it. My parents told me they weren't helping, I had to do this myself. I was so mad, how dare they not help me when they want me to move back home? I started thinking about where I am going to keep all my horses and pets and posted on Facebook I was staying in NM after all. Something about home sweet home... Of course I dream about Facebook in my dream...

Anyways this dream was what I am going through right now. I want to move back to Washington as I feel like my life is so cluttered, and out of control down here in NM... But running from my problems isn't going solve my current problems. Which really aren't that big of problems in the big picture. I have too much clutter, I just need to fix that right now, today..  I need to fix what is going on down here, them move when I am ready.

Thanks for the direction dream ( and maybe my dad telling me something from up above? )  Time to wake up and get cleaning and organizing done for the day ( yes the story of my life ) and some Zumba and maybe a movie later as my gift.

Attraversiamo

So yes I am attempting another blog, as this is a new year, and I have to change to begin really living the life I deserve.  2011 I learned a lot about me, but still doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. The meeting of Insanity right? Met a lot new people in 2011, most great but a few bad eggs that are more messed up then me. Searching for answers and direction, but not really searching at all, just doing the same thing that really isn't working.

My life revolves around my pets, friends and my family ( even though I am living in a different state I am distant ) I rescue pets and even though I really can't afford it, I can't give up on the 4 dogs, 3 cats, 2 goats and 5 horses I have rescued all from pending death via euthanasia or slaughter. These pets have bankrupted me in the past year, now I am poorer then I have ever been ( horses are very costly ) . Its hard living paycheck to paycheck when I know I have so much potential.  I have my MBA after all, and am making good money, I am worth more. I need to take care of me, as Suze Orman says People first. But I am sorry Suze but do I just throw all these pets back to the feed lot or pound since I really can't afford them?  A few of my horses are going to be near impossible to place due to their age.. That isn't a choice for me. The are counting on me, I am all they have. They are my responsibility and I need to figure out how to make this work for us all... For now.. Not saying in the future I won't find homes but I won't give up on my family, my pets..

So what do I do now? Keep doing what I have been doing the last couple years and probably end up totally emotionally as well as physically bankrupt.  I am close. But I am not going to give up. I am going to use this blog to get myself out of this hole I am currently in. Get my health and weight back and my mind. I LOVE to work out, and I am not being sarcastic here.. I am just lazy and I guess depressed with all I have going on, its easier to take a nap then work out and eat right. That has to change, starting today. Sorry McDonalds but I am breaking up with you. Its been a long relationship and you are always there for me but our relationship is toxic. Not saying I might still see you on occasion for now if I have to eat out going to do a healthier route. Subway FTW ( even though damn you for endorsing Michael Vick, but we all make mistakes and deserve a second chance ), and other healthier eating out venues will be my mission.

So that is all I have to say for now I guess. Its 1230am and I should be in bed as I have to be up at 8:30.. Time to focus on my home this week, eating right and back to exercising. I have so many plans, I have so much potential. Maybe putting it out for the world to see will help me in my journey? Attraversiamo is about crossing over and I am now on a journey to make myself, and my family of pets a new life....

So stay tuned for my next blog, my goal is to blog daily- And I think that is a goal I can make. By putting this out hopefully I will have followers that will hold me accountable for my journey... I have so many great friends and people who care about me.  We all need help right? Well I am signing off of my first blog entry for 2012.. Heres to healthy thinking and living, doing it one day at a time...